Fic: Love On My Side (FRAO)

[carinascott]

Title: Love On My Side (part 1)
Author: Carina Scott (nicknrick4eva)
Rating: FRAO
Pairing: Warrick/Gil, Nick/Greg
Warnings: Partner betrayal
Summary: Gil ends it, Warrick loses it, and Nick tries to make it better.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any recognizable character; they belong to various producers and executives. Any original character is solely the product of my imagination, and thus belongs to me. No copyright infringement is intended, no profit is being made. This is purely for creative release and fun. Please don’t sue.
Author’s Note: *peeks out from super secret hiding place* Any of you that happen to belong to any of the Yahoo Groups I belong to or periodically check my personal LJ, know that I haven’t been very nice to Warrick or Gil of late. I apologize, but it seems my angst bunny ate all the nicer, fluffier bunnies, which is rather unfortunate for Warrick/Gil. Anyway, this fic started off with high hopes of being fluffy, all the product of a simple misunderstanding between our guys. Unfortunately, mid-sentence the angst bunny attacked my fluff bunny and this is the result. Please forgive me if the characters, specifically Warrick, seem OOC. there are reasons for this, and they will be explained in more detail as the fic prgresses. Happy reading

~*~

When Nick Stokes opened the door, he was shocked to find Warrick standing on the other side.  It wasn’t the fact that Warrick had dropped by unannounced; they had both been guilty of the same thing on a regular basis. No, what scared him the most was that Warrick was shaking like a leaf, and he had obviously been crying.

“Rick?” When he didn’t answer, Nick reached out a hand, clasping his shoulder in concern. As if all the control he had left him at once, Warrick began to shake more violently, clinging to Nick as he sobbed openly on Nick’s front step. Unabashedly, Nick wrapped his arms around his friend and tried his best to calm the distraught man.

Once Warrick’s sobs had calmed to sharp, shaky intakes of oygen, Nick escorted them both inside. Once he had gotten Warrick settled on the couch Nick disappeared into the kitchen, returning shortly with a bottle of water. Sitting next to Rick, Nick waited in silence as Warrick drank the water, giving him a chance to tell him what was wrong.

“He’s gone Nicky.”

The sullen tone immediately alerted Nick to the obvious identity of the ‘he’ in that sentence. Squelching the anger that quickly rose in his chest, Nick put a reassuring hand on his friends back, rubbing in soothing circles. “What happened?”

With a deep sigh, Warrick stood up and crossed to the bay window on the other side of Nick’s living room. “I don’t know. All I know is I wasn’t expecting it.” Sitting down in the window seat Warrick pulled his knees to his chest and continued to stare blindly out of the window.

Nick’s heart ached for his friend, looking so much like a little boy lost at the moment that it was making it uncomfortable for Nick to breathe.

Knowing from personal experience that it was better to let people talk when they felt like it, Nick relaxed back into the couch and waited.

About twenty minutes later, in a voice so soft Nick didn’t recognize it, Warrick began to talk again. “The night before last, everything was fine. We made love, cuddled on the couch, and talked until we fell asleep in each other’s arms. Before we left for work I told Gil that I would make him steak and eggs for breakfast because he loves it so much and we hadn’t had a home cooked steak in a while. Then we get to work and get the case from hell, and as you know we ended pulling a double. As tired as I was once we finally wrapped the case up enough to go home, I really wanted to treat Gil to the home cooked breakfast I’d promised. So I grabbed some of Greg’s coffee and went to the grocery store. I guess I was there for about an hour, figuring it was better to finish all the shopping since I was already there. When I got home, I didn’t immediately see Gil so I assumed he was either showering or asleep. Anyway, I put up the groceries, checked the mail, and took out the trash. I seasoned the steaks, wrapped them in plastic wrap and set them in the fridge. I figured I’d take a bath and let the seasoning sit on them for a while.”

Warrick took a deep, shaky breath, before continuing. “When I walked into the bedroom, I thought we’d been robbed. I mean, it didn’t occur to me that nothing belonging to me was missing, but I immediately knew that most of Gil’s things were gone. Fearing the worst, that Gil had been hurt or knocked unconscious in a struggle, I ran to the master bathroom. Gil wasn’t there. Still assuming that we had been robbed, I went over to grab the phone off the nightstand so I could call Gil and the cops. That’s when I saw it.”

Nick’s chest tightened as he noticed the fresh set of tears making tracks down Warrick’s face. Warrick was a strong man, and to see him broken down until he was a mere shell of his former self, made Nick see red. And no matter what he may or may not feel for Gil, right now all he could feel was hate and anger.

Keeping his emotions under control, Nick stood up and crossed the room. Sitting on the floor next to the window, Nick offered silent comfort by keeping close.

Taking strength in the unwavering friendship Nick offered, Warrick took another deep breath and continued. “He left me a note Nicky. A note! I first thought that maybe the burglars had taken him hostage or something and that this was a ransom note. I know it’s a little farfetched, but with the crap we see everyday it made sense. Until I noticed the handwriting. I knew instantly that Gil had written it.”

Nick’s heart shattered as Warrick began to recite the letter from memory, his voice cracking with emotion.

“Dear Warrick,

I know you’re probably wondering what’s going on, and I imagine you’re thinking the worst. For that I apologize.

I’ve loved you for years, from the moment I met you I felt an instant attraction, and within that first year I knew it was love. I never imagined that you’d return my feelings, and I am in awe everyday that I wake to realize that you do love me every bit as much as I love you. Nothing will ever change the love I have for you, please never doubt that.

But this relationship between us can’t continue. If nothing else, this last case taught me that love doesn’t always conquer all. It can’t always see you through heartache and pain. I had always believed that our love could see us through anything. But now I know different. John Berkeley’s murder proves this. And Loudon Davis will have to live with that for the rest of his life.

I can’t be him. And I can’t live with the knowledge that my love for you puts you in danger everyday, even more danger considering our profession. I can’t lose you like that. So instead, I’m walking away.

I know you’ll protest; tell me that nothing will change our love; and normally I’d give in. But not this time. This time I am sticking to my guns. We can’t be together, no matter how much I love you, or the depth of your love for me. Your life is more important to me than any unhappiness I may experience being away from you.

I hope that in time you will understand my reasoning and move on with your life. You deserve to be happy, safe, and loved. In another life I would have risked everything to be the one to give you that. But in this life I can’t be that person, I can’t put your life on the line for my own selfish reasons. Please forgive me for walking away, but never forget that I do this out of love. My love for you.

I love you Ricky; with all my heart and soul, and I always will.

Sincerely,

Gil”

Considering the emotion that had laced his voice when he began reciting the letter, Nick had expected Rick to be a crying mass of emotion by the end; but instead Warrick sat motionless, voice flat, staring into the utter nothingness that was before him. He was building up his walls fast, and nick knew that pretty soon nothing Gil could do or say would allow Warrick to open his heart up to him again.

Nick didn’t make a comment; instead he stood to his feet and guided Warrick to his bedroom. Warrick looked at him in confusion, and Nick smiled sadly at him, quickly putting his mind at ease. “You need sleep, and I’ve missed my morning run. You lay here, try to get some sleep. I’ll be back in a few hours, ‘kay?”

Warrick nodded his head and let Nick arrange him on the bed. Nick’s heart broke as Warrick all but curled in a fetal position and closed his eyes. Looking back at his friend, his breath hitching slightly as Warrick began to rock back and forth to stop the flood of heartache that seemed to engulf him; Nick closed the door behind him quietly.

A few years ago, he would’ve given anything to be Warrick’s one and only, but one drunken night of horniness had taught both of them that they fared far better as friends than lovers. But just the same, his friendship with Warrick was more important than anything, and when his friend was hurting, he hurt too.

Grabbing his keys off the coffee table, Nick flipped open his cell and hit the number one. “Hey babe, I’m sorry I missed out on our morning run, but I’ve got a situation.” Nick quickly told Greg the jist of the situation, leaving out the more private parts, knowing that Rick would appreciate the discretion. Normally he wouldn’t have told Greg this much, but the unrecognizable man lying in his bed had him scared shitless and he wasn’t sure what Rick would do in this state of mind.

“Thanks babe, I owe you. Rick’s sleeping, so be quiet when you get here. Peek in on him for me when you get here, just to make sure he’s okay. I shouldn’t be more than an hour.” Nick smiled as Greg warned him not to do anything stupid. “I love you too G.”

Hanging up the phone, Nick walked out of his apartment and climbed in his truck. Gil Grissom was accustomed to Nick Stokes: Calm, Quiet, and Easy-going CSI. He was in for a rude awakening as he was about to meet Nick Stokes: One Pissed Off Texan.

~TBC~